http://www.pathawi.net/b-log/2005/05/30/failing-to-make-up-for-lost-time/ Pensaments of an Anthropological Patzer Sun, 07 Sep 2008 17:31:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 http://www.pathawi.net/b-log/2005/05/30/failing-to-make-up-for-lost-time/#comment-95 NotSoMuch Tue, 06 Dec 2005 14:16:01 +0000 http://www.pathawi.net/b-log/2005/05/30/failing-to-make-up-for-lost-time/#comment-95 I like this story. I'd like to be able to fully identify with the woman. I can easily see that she was a polite person, dealing as well as she could with social overtures that she had not invited and did not welcome as wonderful when they came uninvited. But, really, I identify with the man. In real life, that would be me. I'd be trying way too hard. And getting further behind the harder I tried. I'd try to be charming and friendly and end up being socially inept creeping towards offensive and bordering on the illegal (there are anti-stalking laws). I'd be saying things that made me sound like I had racist undercurrents because I wasn't thinking straight in my scramble to make a connection. ... and it occurs to me that the only reason I wouldn't actually BE that guy on the train in reality this very time in my life is because I have a girlfriend and that makes me less needy right there on the surface of everything. ... then it occurs to me that this stumbling about the world of social connection/no social connection is what actually got me that girl. ... for every 1,000 women on the train who don't find my ineptness at all charming, there was this 1 who did. And she is awesome. And we did connect. And the 999 false starts fade so quickly and completely into memory when you do make that connection. Somewhere in all that is the source of the pathos in your story. Good story. I like this story. I’d like to be able to fully identify with the woman. I can easily see that she was a polite person, dealing as well as she could with social overtures that she had not invited and did not welcome as wonderful when they came uninvited.
But, really, I identify with the man. In real life, that would be me. I’d be trying way too hard. And getting further behind the harder I tried.
I’d try to be charming and friendly and end up being socially inept creeping towards offensive and bordering on the illegal (there are anti-stalking laws).
I’d be saying things that made me sound like I had racist undercurrents because I wasn’t thinking straight in my scramble to make a connection.
… and it occurs to me that the only reason I wouldn’t actually BE that guy on the train in reality this very time in my life is because I have a girlfriend and that makes me less needy right there on the surface of everything.
… then it occurs to me that this stumbling about the world of social connection/no social connection is what actually got me that girl.
… for every 1,000 women on the train who don’t find my ineptness at all charming, there was this 1 who did. And she is awesome. And we did connect. And the 999 false starts fade so quickly and completely into memory when you do make that connection.
Somewhere in all that is the source of the pathos in your story.
Good story.

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